HAIRNT. Does anyone really know what that is supposed to mean? Hairnt? So, just what is this mystery word that seemingly means nothing and everything all at the same time? Was it something devised by scholars, brain-doctors, astro-mathematicians, or double-naught spies? Is it an adjective, a noun, a verb, an adverb, conjunction, prepositional phrase, or any other form of speech? Maybe it is a greeting, perhaps a salutation…the long lost language of cavemen…what a dinosaur’s fart sounds like? Hairnt! What the hairnt is this hairnting hairnt? What’s hairnt-ning? Hairnt! Hairnt Happens! –Arrrgh, too much HAIRNT!

I have noticed that most of the people that I have seen use this word have a wily, artful grin upon their faces, and tend to draw the ‘mystery word’ out a long time in the middle of the word, somewhat nasal in quality, so it sounds like ‘haaaaairnt.’ But, not always; many times a quick ‘Hairnt!’ and a roguish grin is enough to convey the message across, whatever that may be. It always seems to be understood, however, and replied with a suitable ‘haaaaairnt‘ to match the first hairnt.

And often times, many of these ‘hairnt cult sayers” are prone to have eyes that are glassy and reddish in appearance. They also tend to walk sideways at times, or perhaps stumble somewhat, or need a ‘timeout’ occasionally. I have actually seen one or two of them fall down for no reason, or end up sleeping underneath their tent! Of course, several of them have been seen wearing shirts that have blue blazes painted on them even, and have been overheard calling themselves ‘hikertrash’. What kind of cult is this ‘hairnt’, if that is what it is? They all have funny names, and/or titles, and stories to tell, and lots of whiskey to drink. They are always laughing, playing music, and having fun.

…Well Hey! Perhaps this Hairnt thing isn’t so bad after all.

So, should this mystery word be allowed to remain a mystery, or should it finally be unmasked, defined, and stamped in a dictionary somewhere with some semblance of meaning attached? Could that really be done? I doubt it. And, if you could do some such thing, would that ultimately be the downfall of the hairnt, and the stealthy humor and fun? You tell me…

Written by Boulderman aka Bol'Dar.

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